Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
