she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
