wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
