I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
