And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the condom got lost in my hair
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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