singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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