i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
