miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
