Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
