she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
