So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
