I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
