I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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