u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
