My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
