On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
