Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
