Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
