I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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