So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
