I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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