i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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