Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
