I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize