plz talk dirty to me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
