i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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