Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
