she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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