I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
