I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize