She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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