dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My ass is underappreciated
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
