Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
