I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
