If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
