bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Randomize
