Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
