just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
