I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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