I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
