New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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