I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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