hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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