I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
