I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
