How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
