my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
