Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize