Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
