I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
