Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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