Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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