so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
