My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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