I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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