We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
