I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Still dying that you shit outside
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
