This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
