i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
