unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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