i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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