I heard we made out
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
