I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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