My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
