Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
