I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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