id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
