Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
