I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
